Not Trigger Happy!
Most of us are familiar with the idea of triggers. Even though it may be an overused term, it comes from a very important concept in psychology. One moment we are calm, the next we are thrown into despair and fear. Though it is important to be scared or angry when situations actually demand it, it can be hugely counterproductive to be taken over by powerful emotions that aren’t needed by what lies before us and that fail to help us productively in any way. The School of Life offer one perspective that may help. For me, avoiding triggers does not work. Learning to manage triggers can be helpful:
1. Recognise that our brain functions on an unconscious level relatively easily because it requires less work and brain capacity. However, when we seek to understand and name what triggers and activates us, we act with conscious awareness so we mindfully process and strategise to ensure our behaviours align with our values. Periodically check in with yourself to assess whether you’re focused, tuned in and being in the present. You can do this by training your mind through mindfulness exercises and meditative practices.
2. Understand your projections (i.e. the thoughts, feelings or behaviours we project onto another person), negative core beliefs, narratives, impulses and values. When these are challenged you are more likely to be triggered. Be curious and study yourself. Therapy is a great way to do this.
3. Become familiar with your adaptations to understand your triggers better. Aim to understand what changes in behaviour you made to “survive” what was challenging or difficult for you. Evaluate how this gets enacted or acted out in your general behaviour and in your relationships now.
4. Understand your thoughts and feelings to recognise your triggers. Thoughts and feelings ebb and flow, which can be from moment to moment, depending on factors such as perceptions, experiences and coping skills. Within a given hour, you can flow through a range of emotions, such as joyfulness, sadness and anger. Take pauses, be curious, and study your thoughts and feelings. Notice if you have reactions or judgments about your thoughts and feelings.
5. Don’t believe everything that’s thought or felt. As trigger reactions occur in the limbic or emotional centre of the brain, they can be irrational. They often elicit the part of us that cannot hear or listen to reason. Question the quality of your thoughts and feelings. How do they show up? Why do they show up that way? What does it mean to you? Thoughts and feelings can be reframed and shifted.
6. Realise that not all thoughts and feelings, whether emotional, somatic or physiological, need to be reacted to. We give too much credence to our thoughts and feelings and generally believe we must always react to them. They’re helpful in letting you know what’s meaningful to you, but that doesn’t mean you have to react to them instantaneously. Keep in mind that your behaviours are a choice, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Take the time to gently and compassionately remind yourself that you are the CEO of your life and get to make decisions on your own behalf.
7. Thank your mind for its generosity and graciousness in making you aware of your unhealed parts or unresolved issues through your triggers. It’s your brain and body’s way of protecting you from discomfort and “danger.” When you are triggered, it’s your need to self-reflect and gain insight to your wounded parts or the unresolved issues that you still need to attend to. You can create new neural networks in your brain and rewire your nervous system to perceive and react to things differently going forward. You can reframe things and notice your resilience, how much you’ve grown, and your ability to change.
8. Recognise that your development will be an ongoing commitment and practice with slips and triggers along the way. Give yourself some grace. Remind yourself that you’re attempting to change years of conditioned behaviours and develop a compassionate relationship with yourself and others as you and they work toward healing and growth. You and others will be more open to change and recalibrating when it’s necessary when feeling free of judgment, nurtured and supported.
When you learn to gain deeper awareness around your triggers and can self-soothe and act mindfully, then you can shift from self-blame and projection onto others to accountability, sharing and connection. Maybe triggers are little gifts that enhance your ability to notice unhealed or unresolved parts of yourself and point directly to where you have personal work to do to improve yourself and your relationships with others. These moments can be appreciated and celebrated on your journey toward growth and enhancement.
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FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects here: https://bit.ly/3gKKwRU
